What’s your ask?
Have you ever started a conversation and the other person begins to explain everything around the topic you brought up without addressing what you want? (why, yes, of course… we have all been there). When that happens to me, I feel frustrated and not really understood. These situations make it easy to wish people would just listen more but what if there was something in your control that could change the conversation to get your ideal outcome? It starts with getting clear about what you want in the conversation.
Recently, I was coaching an executive leadership team who was feeling defeated because the issues they could see within their operations were met with an explanation by their leader – a response that justified why the issue existed and why nothing should change. His intent was genuine and he wanted his team to feel better. As I listened to their conversation it seemed like an easy solution was for the leader to listen more and have some courage to understand the real issues. It seems like a good idea, but it doesn’t give you a way forward that is in your own control.
What was missing in the initial discussion was a clear ask. That is something entirely within our own control.
It’s usually tricky situations that make it hard to come up with a clear ask. An HR executive recently presented a strategic plan to get her leadership team aligned to all their key initiatives. It was a clear plan. At the end of the presentation one executive added “our main event this summer is also important, we did it last year”. Just like that the clear plan became unclear.
So… how do you find the clear ask in a tricky situation?
Our asks come in different flavours.
Asking for a decision - this kind of ask is about getting commitment to a decision on a plan or to take action. When there is a team involved it’s about asking for explicit buy-in from everyone. It might seem redundant to ask for buy-in but this is an important step in getting the commitment from your team. You can make the buy-in easier in complex issues like the example above by asking for a micro-decision “Can I have your buy-in for item X, Y and Z in our plan?” Or “Can I have your buy-in to proceed with a trial for X months?”
Asking for a change in behaviour - this ask often requires courage. When we talk around a problem in hopes the other person picks up on the issue we aren’t in control of the outcome. Asking for a different approach or way of addressing an issue is a more direct way to get what we want. Take a chance – try it!
Asking for support: (for resources, ideas or gaining clarity) As expert leaders we often feel like we should have all the answers – to be creative with our resources, have the best ideas or already understand the situation. All together we have force. When you ask for support to have more resources, ideas, or clarity we open up to new possibilities that might not have existed before.
If the person you have raised a topic with is giving you an explanation or circling around a decision you haven’t got their buy-in. It’s not their fault. Either you’re selling them something they don’t want, it’s too risky or you haven’t helped them understand your ask. Get clear with what you are asking for and you’ll find a new way forward.