Influence without power
You can’t make me. Oh, how I’ve been in conversations where I’ve been frustrated that the other person isn’t agreeing to what I want them to. Who was I really frustrated with? At the time I’d tell you the other person, but in reflection I was frustrated with myself. I couldn’t get them to see what was obvious to me and couldn’t figure out how to make that happen to get to my ideal outcome. I’ve seen this same frustration show up for my clients too.
Several years ago, I was coaching with an HR Director who was feeling defeated because the Executive Team wasn’t agreeing to moving forward with some initiatives that she felt were the right thing to do for the employees. As we explored her approach, it became clear that she was working hard to convince the executives to do the right thing for others, but failed to help them see how doing so would be helpful for the organization’s strategic goals. I asked her: What would happen if you made the Executive your customer? She challenged me. “But, my job is to do the right thing for the employees!”. As we explored further she started to realize that she was selling a solution employees wanted for a problem the executives didn’t see. By starting to shift her thinking to how the initiative was also helpful for the executive in achieving what they wanted and needed, she could help them agree and buy-in to supporting her initiative. She reworked her initiative from the point of view of serving the Executive and they agreed to most of her proposal over the course of a few meetings.
So… how do you influence without positional power?
Influencing is about selling an idea. The process is the same as selling anything else, they buy by saying “yes”.
Intent: A great sales process starts with your intent. Who are you looking to serve? Yourself, someone else, or the person in front of you. Think of the person you want to influence as your customer and serve them like one by putting their interests front and center.
Problem Focus: Until there is a problem to solve that they care about, you need to make the problem and potential solution relevant to them personally. What is below the surface for them? Ask more questions and tell less. Connect what you know about them and develop a compelling need for change in your ‘customers’ mind.
Mutual Purpose: Appeal to the unique opportunity of the moment to create an ultimate solution that meets a greater mutual purpose for everyone involved. Identify a north star outcome or ultimate solution result that speaks to their desires and yours.
Emotional Aspect: It’s easy to stick to the facts that are safe and tangible. Ideas around economic improvements, performance enhancements or even regulatory compliance issues are important and can be more influential when there is an emotional appeal. People make buying decisions based largely on emotion even when all the facts are present. Be aware of the Five Core Concerns respecting the person’s need for autonomy, affiliation, appreciation, status, and a meaningful role in the process.
Relationship: How do you want the person to feel at the end of the conversation? Consider the right timing, place, and rapport you have with them. When you approach the conversation from a point of humility and vulnerability, you’ll focus on the partnership and away from forcing an outcome.
If the person you want to influence isn’t buying your idea, you haven’t helped them see what you can see or left them feeling your desire to create a better future that they want. It’s not their fault. Either you’re selling them something they don’t want or need, or you haven’t helped them see they have a problem that they want to solve and that your solution is the best option. Inspire others to feel differently and they’ll find the urge to do something different as a result.