How to get honest feedback
No news is good news. Or is it? As I was debriefing a leadership 360 assessment with a client recently, she expressed her relief to finally receive some feedback. This Vice President never receives feedback from her leader or her team, and wonders if no news is good news. The 360 assessment reminded her that no news doesn’t feel like good news and instead leaves her regularly wondering if she’s having the impact she wants.
Going through this process also reminded this leader that she follows her boss’s lead and doesn’t give a lot of feedback to her team members or peers. She reflected that she is contributing to a culture of no feedback and she wants to change that by making it safe for others to share feedback with her – but how?
Feedback is a tricky word. Mention, “I have some feedback to share” and watch the person across from you brace for the impact. Their heart starts to race and so does yours. Emotions start to run high before anyone has said a word. Why is that? Because the information you’re about to share is unknown and our brains read that as emotional danger. Our brains don’t know the different between emotional and physical danger. Danger is danger. It’s the leader’s job to create safety.
Here are 5 tips to create a culture of feedback safety:
Ditch the word feedback. It’s just information about the impact of someone’s behaviour that they may not be aware of. Say, “I have something I’d like to share with you. Is now a good time?”
Start with giving regular reinforcing feedback. Start noticing behaviours that create positive impacts and start sharing it with your peers and team members, even your boss.
Begin giving course-corrective feedback but keep to a 5:1 ratio of 5 reinforcing to 1 course corrective.
Review Brené Brown’s Engaged Feedback Checklist to assess your readiness to give feedback. You’re not ready until you can say yes to every item on the list.
Learn the Situation – Behaviour – Impact (SBI) model for giving feedback to keep it behaviour-focused and not about the person’s character.
Once you’ve mastered giving reinforcing feedback, practice asking others for feedback.
Ask for their support in helping you grow. Ask them to bring one thing that would help you become even better than you are today in the moment or to your next meeting. Or ask them to bring one behaviour that had a positive or negative impact that you may or may not be aware of.
In your next one-to-one meeting, remind them that you asked for their help to support your growth and then ask them what they have to share. When they share feedback with you, be it big, small, pleasant or unpleasant, thank them. They may start with small inconsequential feedback and a welcoming and grateful response will build up trust that they can bring up higher stakes items in the future. If the feedback is particularly difficult, remember to breathe, say thank you, and give yourself permission to not respond further in that conversation. When they can’t think of any feedback, thank them and ask them again for help in your growth. Something like:
“No problem, thanks for trying to think of something. It’s important that I continue to grow and develop. Feedback is an important part of my growth. Will you help me by looking for one example of how I might become even better to bring the next time we meet?”
Finally, seriously consider the feedback you receive. If it’s difficult or you disagree, ask yourself, “What is the 2% truth in here?” and then act on it. Real feedback cultures develop when information is shared with each other for the sake of growth and each person acts on the new information. Be the first to lead the way by acting on the feedback you receive.